Another month has come and gone, and my One Little Word for this year is still front and center in my mind. Sometimes I think that God chose this word for me, because I am not really a fan of this word. I don't really like how it makes me uncomfortable and makes me do things, rather than just talk about them. I think God is tired of listening to me complain and of listening to Hector and I argue.
The theme for this month, besides being brave was "I AM". The class prompt was to come up with a bunch of "I AM" statements. I put this prompt off until two days ago: I didn't think about it, go on the class website or Facebook group, or even open my One Little Word scrapbook until Thursday afternoon this week. I didn't want to do this prompt. And there are several reasons for this:
- The idea was to do some messy, artsy, art journaling stuff with these "I AM" statements. I used to like getting messy, but right now, I am just not in the mood. I want everything clean, streamlined, and simple. Getting messy means getting personal with the colors and putting my feelings into your artwork. I haven't painted on canvas in a year, let alone done any art journaling. I just don't want to feel all of the feels right now.
- I don't like "I AM" statements. I think they make me feel like I am permanently a certain way. I barely know who I am; how can I come up with definitions for me?
- The word BRAVE and I are having a battle right now. I want to shrink back into my scared existence, and BRAVE is
nudgingyanking me out of my comfort zone. I am not very happy about this.
But, I figured, I needed to blog about this, so I should pull out my paints and get started. I was going to take pictures of my creative process and everything, but my camera didn't want to work, so I said screw it. I found some old patterned paper from Glitz Design that I've had in my stash since 2009. Yes, I know. I poured some white acrylic over it, and then stamped, with paint, some flower/sunburst designs. I let it dry, and cut the cards to fit into the baseball card holder.
I still didn't know what I was going to put on the cards, so I began to read through my blog posts from the last couple of months. I didn't have a lot to say about myself and some of the I AM statements are more temporary than permanent statements about my character and personality. Those I am still trying to figure out.
I took a black sharpie and wrote down the statements. I knew that black would stand out on the background and I don't have any other colors or markers that can write on paint. I didn't know how I was going to go about putting on the "I AM"; I don't have letter stamps (I thought) and I don't have enough coordinating letter stickers anymore. I was digging around the house and I found an old box, full of really old foam letter stamps from a company called Making Memories. These are so old I couldn't even find them on eBay, sorry. It was sort of a miracle that I found these, so I used them and maroon ink from Studio G to stamp on the I AM's. I also used the ink to color the edges of each card. I like the result, even if I didn't want to do this prompt artistically.
My "I AM" statements were almost all pulled directly from blog posts written lately:
- I AM...teaching my kids the Faith.
- I AM...nervous, scared, sad, unsure...about it all.
- I AM...veiling the sacred.
- I AM...at a crossroads.
- I AM...BRAVE. [This is an obvious center, because BRAVE is the center of all of this change].
- I AM...praying.
- I AM...hopeful.
- I AM...speaking up.
Here is a look at the whole page in my One Little Word album:
Right now, I am struggling. I am fighting. I know what I need to do, but I am battling myself because I am my own worst enemy. Last year it was just before I was set to move that I backed out on Hector and forced my kids to suffer for another year without their dad. I don't want to do that again, but I really feel myself fighting to stay here and keep my life status quo. Unfortunately, status quo isn't brave, so it has to go!
One Little Word is an online class led by Ali Edwards. She encourages participants to choose one word to incorporate into their lives throughout the year, in lieu of New Year's Resolutions. This is my sixth year choosing a word and my second year participating in the class. I will share my One Little Word updates monthly throughout 2014.