15 May 2014

Surviving Long-Distance Marriage, Part 6

Welcome back to my marriage series on surviving a long-distance marriage. This is part 6 of the series. Other posts in this series can be found here. To find out more about how we ended up in a long-distance marriage, click here

"Attitude is everything". Has anyone ever mentioned that to you as you apply for a new job, or toil in one that you absolutely hate? How about in reference to marriage? Well, in a marriage, especially a long-distance one, attitude is everything.

You can't communicate with an angry, negative person. They don't want to hear it. They want to wallow in their own misery or bring you down into it. Negative attitudes are like a poison or a nasty virus; it just gets into everything and makes everyone it comes into contact with, miserable. I am that poison; I am the negative person. I try extremely hard not to be, but it is something I am constantly battling. 
This pretty face is just a mask for all of the misery underneath. 

In the beginning of our forced separation, I was upbeat, believing that I would soon follow to Mexico, if I just got 'one more thing' squirreled away and done. But then things started to come up. I lost my food stamps. I needed more money for the move. I wanted to wait until Cecilia finished the school year. Christmas presents needed to be bought. I need to have an Oregon license for at least one year before I can transfer it... life and excuses came up. At first I didn't realize they were excuses (Hector always sees everything for what they are. He's awesome like that). I just thought God was against me and that life was hard for me, an American, in America (how sheltered...I know).  Life was hard. Hector was being hard on me. He was mean. He wanted me to be miserable. Depression and anxiety and exhaustion took over my life. I needed a wake-up call, because now Hector was depressed and miserable. He began telling me how we were going to fail, how nothing is ever going to work out, that I should leave him, and move on with my life. 

How ridiculous are we?! 

Hector and I have recently taken a review of our stupidity and ridiculousness. I have wasted all of this time with my family, made Hector miserable, and most of all, made my marriage fall apart (almost). We're getting back on the right track.Our marriage was always one built to last. Hector and I have known each other too long to just toss our marriage away without trying to fix it. We never meant to make each other miserable. 

So how do we fix the damage? We forgive. We let things go. We can't hold onto the misery without poisoning ourselves and our future together. We're both scared. I'm slightly more terrified than Hector, but we both are looking into the blank pages of our lives and we have to write them. With all of that blankness, we're going to screw up. We're going to make each other angry and unhappy. The thing we have to choose, however, is do we make each other unhappy for a minute, or miserable for a lifetime? That is where attitude comes into play. If we choose to be bitter, unhappy, and miserable, then we are not forgiving the other's natural faults we are well aware of. If we choose to be angry for a moment, then to let it go, we are going to go much farther in life. And that is what we both want.

I'm linking up today at Lewis Lane's Tuned In Thursday Link-Up. Go join the party!

Lewis Lane

1 comment:

  1. You are right attitude is everything. Sometimes that can also be the hardest part. Being negative can actually be easier than being positive. Glad you are back on the right track.

    Thanks for linking up :)