13 June 2014

8 Years Old

8 years ago, at 2:42am, Cecilia Marilyn came screaming into my 17-year-old life and flipped my entire world upside down and around. I was terrified that in no way could I ever take care of a baby.  I didn't feel love at first sight, just simple terror at the magnitude of the gift that had been bestowed upon me.

Motherhood didn't come naturally; some days it still feels like it never came at all. I am not maternal. I didn't ooh and ahh over little babies; mostly I avoided them like the plague. Cecilia was no different. I was exhausted- obviously. I had read too many parenting books about attachment parenting and how exclusive breastfeeding was going to make me the best mom on the block and blah blah blah. Clearly none of them ever had postpartum so badly you have to give the baby to your parents and walk away because you imagine yourself hurting the baby. I guess they never had to deal with colic that went on for MONTHS and a baby who never slept through the night until she was almost 4. But right there, in the beginning, I felt like I was drowning. Hector helped out when he could, and it was AMAZING to have a partner- but I felt i a thousand times worse when he would go home to Yakima.
Even though I knew I had screwed up and was a teenage mom, I also knew that my baby needed to be baptized. She was baptized just before Christmas in 2006.
In 2007, we made the haul up to Yakima for awhile. It was in Yakima that Hector and I had the happiest times of our lives; Cecilia's colic FINALLY passed, she learned to crawl, we were normal. 
When we threw her 1st birthday, we were in for a shock. I had never known how much work actually went into a kid party! Holy mole! It was a great party, even if 40-50 people showed for a one year old's birthday.
After she turned one, then she turned 2, then three. Now she is 8. It's true that time flies and it only goes faster the older you get. I'm so glad that soon we are going to be in Mexico, where we can finally celebrate Cecilia's birthday semi-on-time because we haven't in years. Maybe she'll even get a birthday party? I am just glad that from now on, I am not going to be doing birthdays, or any milestones alone.

And Miss Cecilia, my pious child; I hope that you always, always remember to hear the call of God in your life. I do hope that you aspire to the consecrated life of being a Bride of Christ, but if you are called to the vocation of marriage, then you should follow that. Always remember that it is not our friends, our toys, our clothes, or our food that make us who we are; it is our heart and with your heart, I always pray you hear the Lord's call. I love you so much; you made me a mother and I will always recall the times when it was just me and you and I didn't think either of us would survive. We did survive and we thrived. I love you and happy birthday.

Here's a photo dump of all of my favorite pictures of Cecilia:

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