11 June 2014

The Second To Last Page

When you love a book, I mean LOVE a book (maybe as much as I love Harry Potter or The Hunger Games), when you get to that second to last page, you are filled with all kinds of mixed emotions. The sudden sadness and horror that consume you; the happiness that the story is ending in a semi-okay way for most of the characters (but clearly not all)- and you are unnerved to the fact that your soul may never heal without the story of these characters intermingling with your life.

Well, today I'm on the second to last page of my story here in Portland. Today is my last day of my job.

Look! Me in scrubs!
I work very hard. I love what I do. Some people have referred to this line of work as my "calling". I am so grateful for the real-world experiences that I have received from working at my job for the last two years. This was my first job as a CNA, my first real "nursing" job.

And today it is ending. Come 2:30, I will no longer be employed. I am filled with all kinds of emotions surrounding this day. I am going to miss every single one of my patients. Even the ornery ones. They are like family to me. I am going to miss my coworkers, my sisters who have helped me grow and have mentored me into the aide I am today. We have gone through fire drills, snow storms, double shifts, state inspections, and everything else under the sun, and we always get our work done at the end of shift. I am sad because I am leaving behind so many people I didn't think would ever be important to me.

I am happy and thankful that I will be able to rest for a bit after the move. Being an aide can really kill your body and mine is DEAD.  My back hurts, my brain hurts, my shoulder is shot, and my hip hates me. I have nasty cankles at the end of every shift. You spend all of your time caring for others, and you don't ever take time to take care of yourself. You eat crap and drink a lot of caffeine. My body is going to love being detoxed from all of the junk.

I am nervous because I don't know what to do with myself without a job anymore. For these three years, me having a job and working that job has been the point from which all of my personal growth spurs. I learned how to be independent and codependent from having a job. I learned how to get along in the adult world. And now that is gone from me. I know that once I get to Mexico, I will be so busy spending time with Hector and Isaias that I won't even notice that I don't have a job for a little while. But right now, the thought of not having a job to go to is a terrifying feeling.

This is my second to last page. This is my last MAJOR thing I needed to before we leave. The next few days will just be us preparing for the move, finishing up with packing and loading and getting the vehicles ready. Today I am freaking out and saying goodbye on the second to last page.

But we need to remember what was on the last page:


  1. But the beginning of a new book! Everything will be fine.

  2. "All was well." Well-said.

    This is an eloquent discussion of life's transitions.