06 June 2014

You Are Mine

This is a hymn we sing a lot at Church. It is titled "You Are Mine". It is the perfect hymn whenever I am feeling really low or depressed or afraid.


All of my life, I have always felt like I don't fit in with anyone; I always feel like people are secretly judging me. I am kinda awkward and I was picked on a lot as a kid. I have battled depression and anxiety for years. I quit counting the nights I cried myself to sleep. I never felt truly loved by anyone, not even my own family. I know logically that this thinking is wrong, but it is still how I feel, and I fight my mind and my thoughts every second of the day.

Then one day recently, I was in Mass, and this song was sung. I started crying right there in the pew (the front one, if anyone needs to know. It is the only one Cecilia will sit in!). The lyrics and words truly felt like God talking directly to me. I was so terrified to think that God would talk to me; out of all of the prettier, better wives on planet. I mean, who am I that God should talk to me in the middle of Mass. And maybe God wasn't talking to me, but I like to think He took a second to remind me of something: I have value. I am worthy. I constantly tell myself how awful I am. I have done a lot of horrible things, especially to the people that I love. Sometimes, they don't forgive me. I understand that; I would have a hard time forgiving me, too. All I can do is pray for them.

But I have worth. I am important on this planet. I am important to God, if not to anyone else. And recently, I have come to realize, if God is the only entity in the universe that loves me and forgives me, then I would be okay. Yes, I would be devastated without Hector's love and understanding which might possibly rivals God's love and forgiveness for me. But God will carry me through this life to the next if I follow Him. This song is that message: God will provide. He will give us what we need. I may not be comfortable, I may carry my cross in this world, but God will take me home after this life is ended. I am walking on a journey, following God to my final destination.

So often the world wants to tell us we're not good enough, and God tells us that we are. We just are never quiet enough in this loud world of hustle and bustle to hear God. The first line of the song says "I will come to you in the silence". We can hear God telling us that we are good enough, to counteract all of the negative commentary we get from our peers in the world, simply by being quiet and praying and listening to God. God will come to us, but we have to accept Him. We have to accept him through prayer. That is where we go from being just followers, but friends (and children) of the One True God.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Andrea~
    There is a book that i highly recommend ... Battlefields of the Mind
    by Joyce Meyer..
    It has helped me a lot...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. You are not the first person to recommend that book to me; maybe I should pick it up.

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