22 July 2014

Let It Go...

We are huge Frozen fans around here. We have been singing "Let It Go" since we walked out of the theater last December. Everyone knows the lyrics and everyone has something to say about them. I do, too.

You either love the song, or you hate it. And I bet you are all humming it in your heads now. You're welcome.

I love the Idina Menzel version (or the Movie version) but I am really learning to love the Demi Lovato version of the song. And I am not a Demi Lovato fan. In her version, the second verse is changed. It doesn't fit along quite with the movie, but it fits with how I am feeling these days.

This is the second verse of the movie version:

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!

Super awesome and uplifting. In fact, this is ther version I have on my phone to listen to when I'm feeling powerless and sad. I picked it to go along with my One Little Word for this year. This version of the song makes me feel alive and brave. I love it. Then I heard Demi Lovato's version:

It's funny how some distance 
makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me 
can't get to me at all
Up here in the cold thin air
I finally can breathe
I know I left a life behind but 
I'm too relieved to grieve

Those last lines! That is so me right now. Let's not get anything wrong: I MISS my old life in Portland. I miss my family. I miss my home. I miss grass and running water that stays on (post on that coming soon!) and I miss getting up and smelling the pine trees. I miss having a good oven and baking cookies. I miss drinking Pepsi and Starbucks. I miss my dog and even my mom's cats. I miss having time to blog and I miss having time to read. 

But I don't miss going to bed alone. I don't miss not having my son next to me. I don't miss breaking my back at work every day to just send my money away. I don't miss feeling like I'm suffocating with lonliness. I don't miss explaining everything to strangers. I don't miss the sympathetic looks I would get from people when I told them about our situation. I don't miss the pain and suffering of depression and sadness.

I left a life behind. It was a life I enjoyed. It was a life I was used to and I was comfortable in. But now, I am getting a breath of fresh air. I can breathe. I did leave a life behind, but I am too relieved to grieve it anymore. My life in Portland is officially over. My life on Mars is my life now. This is what I have to do. 

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