07 May 2015

Four Years Ago

I hadn't really noticed that today is May 7th. Facebook and it's "Memories" feature reminded me this morning just I was leaving work: Hector was deported on May 7th, 2011.

Neither one of us knew anything about this city except what we heard in the media. Like most Americans, we believed Mexico, and Tijuana especially, to be full of violence and drug wars. Half of me was homeless in a new world that I could never imagine.

Cecilia was four years old and terrified of 'being brown'. She'd duck down in her car seat at the sight of a police officer. Isaias was 6 months old and angry that my milk supply dropped. I was 'alone' with my kids for the first time ever. I remember the feeling of knowing that Hector was gone: it feels like you're being suffocated and then someone hits you really hard and completely knocks the wind out of you. I was still wandering around dazed, in disbelief that my partner, my best friend, wasn't there.

I had a lot of anger in those days. I directed some of it at the US, done of it at myself, and a lot of it at Hector. He left me that day; if he would have behaved himself, we could have had an amazing life. Looking back at these four years now, I can see how wrong I was.

First of all, Tijuana is not an ugly, scary place. I love it here. I love waking up and having my whole family in one place. Secondly, I am not angry at the US Government at all. Hector broke the law; he is paying for our and the consequence is permanent. That's how goes sometimes. I accept it now. Yes, I was angry at Hector for being dumb, but he is human and I vowed to love him through the worst and the best. The biggest lesson I've learned is that our mistakes (and selfish decisions, and sins...) affect everyone around us, sometimes permanently. I've given on activism, given up on fighting the government, because I know we deserve to be here. And it's okay. I'm fine dwelling on any of the past four years. They are what they are, and there's no going back to change them. I love Hector more and more every day, and now instead of hating him for dragging us into this city, I thank him for all of the adventures we get to have, together.

Here's to the next four years and beyond!

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