28 August 2015

Big Announcement

Well, I've accomplished one year here in Mexico. What an insane feeling to know just how brave and humble I've learned to be!
However, it's time that I learned to be a bit more brave and humble; our family is growing! On June 11, we found out that God has decided to bless us with another child, due the beginning of February 2016.

Currently, I am about 17 weeks pregnant, and I feel miserable. True to form, this pregnancy is different from my other ones; my main complaint is exhaustion and gas. Morning sickness is a usual companion, but I (attempt to) offer it up to the Lord. The transition has been hard on everyone, because, due to the difficult history of my pregnancies, I've had to return to the US.
Yes, after one year in Mexico, I went back to Oregon. I am very sad about this transition; my girls stayed behind in Mexico and I am in Oregon with Isaias. I never dreamed that I would have to be separated from my family again. I didn't think that there would ever be reason for me to come back to a place that no longer feels like home.
The day I left felt like such a betrayal, like I was abandoning everything I had worked so hard for. I was finally on my own, adulting, even if we were barely making it (or some days, not at all making it), we were together and facing all of these challenges together. I know that the move is not permanent, but sometimes I feel like the distance again is doing permanent damage. I've seen behavior regressions in Isaias; Cecilia is depressed as she begins her First Communion year and Fourth grade. For the first time ever, I did not take Cecilia to school on her 1st day. I'm not there to help her with her homework. I am not there to homeschool like I would like to be.

Coming back to Oregon has some advantages: I've returned to my previous job where I can make a decent living wage; I work night shift, which is nicer on my body, since things (like moving and breathing) are getting more difficult to do. My feet have already swollen, and I have a nice recliner to sit in most of the day and elevate them. My son has enough food to fill his belly. However, when I realize how sad everyone is, how much my heart aches for Mexico, how little flavor anything that resembles "Mexican Food" has here, I really have no desire to be here. Every second of every day, I want to go home. I tell Hector in our face-time chats and on Messenger, "I just want to have this baby and go home". My home is Mexico, and I want to go back to it.