23 December 2016

The Demon and I

Most people who have never met Hector- and many who have- think I'm mad. They think that anybody who got themselves removed from the US is probably not a model human being. They question my judgment as a woman- why would any sane woman give up her entire existence for a criminal? They look at Hector's unshaven face, or that he doesn't have a paying job, or a million of his imperfections. People who know him accuse me of not knowing him and his major personality flaws. How could I do that to myself?
The Colorado river is a powerful, ever important body of water. It runs through the Grand Canyon today as it has for millions of years, wearing away at the stone. Little by little it chips away at the rock, and after so long now has a deep course right through the stone. However, it still is eroding the stone, a few grains of sand at a time. Slowly, it is revealing the beauty that's still hidden deep inside the earth. Hector is not a romantic. Long gone are the early days of handwritten notes and throwing pebbles at the window at 2 a.m. Hector is a stong, precise, and critical lover. It's not out of lack of love that he points out my shortcomings; it's a deep love that has had years to cut through my stoney heart. He sees deep into my soul, to the places that even I can't see, and chips away at the external, slowly revealing the beauty inside of me.
Some people would look at me and say that I'm perfect the way I am, and that Hector should love me exactly as that- they miss the fact that he already does, and it's because of this love that he wants me to be the very best version of myself. Hector tells me to eat right and work out. Some people would say that he is 'fat-shaming' me; he wants me to be healthy and not die prematurely. He doesn't want me to spend all of my money on stuff that isn't necessary; he wants me to save and be responsible. He reminds me that I am not the most important person in the universe; he wants me to have perspective and compassion.

Yes, Hector has a colorful past that I am 100 per cent aware of. Yes, his life experiences are vastly different than any that I have had. Yes, he has a lifetime ban from my country of origin. Hector may be what can be portrayed as the "bad-guy", but he is anything but to anyone who truly knows him. I never regret one second of any of my life with him, regardless of the struggles and difficulties we've faced. Hector sees me in my darkness, in the shadows where I can't even find myself. He found me there when I was a girl, and has repeatedly pulled me out of there as I grew and our relationship developed. Hector may be a dark soul, but that is how he pushes me back into the light. He may be a demon, but I have not always been angelic. 

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