03 January 2017

52-Week Gratitude Challenge|Week One: Why?

Hi! I found this challenge on Pinterest and decided to incorporate it into my blogging calendar for the upcoming year!

I am an over-dramatic psycho most of the time. If anything deviates from the perfectly planned outline in my brain it throws me into an unhealthy obsession with doom and despair. I sulk away into a self created cave of misery, languishing over how everything is ruined, even if the end result is unchanged. I work myself into a frenzy of stress, reaching the point where it has physical effects on me. I get headaches and my blood pressure shoots sky-high.

Not only does this turmoil affect me- it affects my family as well. As I contemplate how my family for some unknown reason cannot read my mind, the stress makes me short-tempered and I usually blame everyone around me for everything that is not "just right". I don't see the cool Lego whatever that Isaias made; I see my homeschool room a mess. I don't see the help that Cecilia gives; I see my house a mess. These are qualities of my personality that I do not like. My entire life I wanted people to see my accomplishments, but only my failures shine through enough to be remembered. I do not want that for my kids. My obsession with perfection wears on their personalities and self-esteem. I can see it in their behaviors- little bouts of ungratefulness that could only have resulted because of a learned behavior. I can bear the stress of my obsessive brain, but I cannot bear the misery it causes my family.

I don't know if I've always been kind of ungrateful or if I simply did not recognize it. Everything in my formative years was handed to me. I never wanted for anything- not just necessities, but wants as well. I went to decent schools that I complained about loudly, to anyone that would listen. I always had opportunities open to me, and most of them remained ignored. Perhaps I thought that Hector and I were going to get papers no problem, but Mexico was never a thought of mine. Now sitting in our house here, I complain a lot. I complain about the kitchen and it's lack of counters. I complain about the thin walls and uneven floors. I complain about the leaky roof. Hector usually puts me in my place here in reality, but eventually I'm right back to complaining about something new.

For 2017, my intention is to invite magic and enchantment into my life. To do this, I need to start by recognizing the things that are already magical and enchanting in my day to day. I need to focus less on the brushstrokes, but stand back and see the entire painting. I need to thank God for his goodness, even when it's not very easy to see. So, to do this, I will focus on being grateful for one thing a week throughout the year. Maybe it will help me transfor this ugly personality trait of mine into something beautiful that promotes health and healing to myself and the people around me.
If you want to join in with this challenge for 2017, leave the link below in the comments section. I look forward to reading what you are grateful for.

2 comments:

  1. "My entire life I wanted people to see my accomplishments, but only my failures shine through enough to be remembered."
    You:

    "The evil men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones."
    Shakespeare's Marc Anthony re. Julius Caesar:

    "The thing that hath been, is that which shall be, and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun."
    Ecclesiastes

    Moral(?): Don't sweat the small stuff.

    As for your challenge, I am eternally grateful for you and the opportunity to be your father.

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